Jonestown Potion

Jonestown Potion | 8:00 PM
What section is this? It must be where we write something flattering about ourselves; a diluted self-description bloated with cliche ego-puffery: "A new musical force has been unleashed upon Colorado's Front Range." ...Yes, that sounds sufficiently arrogant and unabashedly self-important. Now, in the traditional local band fashion, we will attempt to describe our music in the context of loose comparisons and hazy metaphors: The Jonestown potion is a rich, gooey fondue of all musical cheeses; the caustic, sweet dew that drips from the fingers of musical genius. We are the tiny, far-most island at the delta of jazz, funk, rock, and the river Styx. We suck from the lactiferous teets of metaphysical bliss, and s~~t out pure musical glory. We wrote that song, "Row, Row, Row Your Boat." --It's true, look it up. Our band is so important, and so completely amazing, that we have our own deity: Diatron. Had enough? What does it really sound like? Save your money, put on your dancing shoes, and align the two edges until flush. Now, fold the lower left-hand corner until the image of Thomas Alba appears at the picture's center. Using a blowtorch and an avocado, carefully draw an equilateral triangle on any empty and unused wall-surface. Now, this part is important, and may require adult supervision: lift your right knee until it resembles the the exact angle of Jay Leno's chin-protrusion. Once in this position, you should begin slowly applying the Easy-Cheese in slow concentric circles. Wait a week until the affected area begins to mold. Reapply."
$5 Day Of. $10 for under 21's